Bowel Movement — текст песни (Sudden Death)

{*a parody of Eric B. & Rakim`s song Move the Crowd*}

Standing in my bedroom suddenly I had this
Feeling like I ate an anvil and had to pass it
So I just can`t stand around
So I start running and the faster I run the harder it pounds
I break down the bathroom door, drop my drawers to the floor
Was pushing so hard that my teeth were sore
The veins are bulging out of my head
And I`m thinking out loud to myself and I said
How can I move my bowels?
First of all, I better get more paper towels
It`s the distruction of my bathroom
I`m constipated, a disaster
So I start poppin` ExLax like M&Ms
I put the dog outside and warned all my friends
Is this the most that I can eat?
`Cause if not, I may have to wait another week
But don`t make me wait too long `cause it`s been at least a month
Since I was last on the john
So I open the lid and grumble and growl
`Cause I got to move my bowels

Imagine me with a leak like the Exxon Valdeez
It`s the smell that`s making me wheeze
A garden hose doesn`t have this much power
I`m splashing so much it sounds like I`m in the shower
My lower intestines, they growl like a jaguar
Everything inside falls out like Niagara
Polluting the air is so much fun
Now I`m on the john, the neighborhood is on the run
For those that know me I often blow their mind
Because they know I go for days at a time
I`ve seen magicians who can pull hankerchiefs out their hand
But can they pull out toilet paper like I can?
It`s an incredible size, doesn`t fit through my thighs
And it`s burning my eyes and attracting the flies
But I`m-a keep going till the EPA calls out
My butt producing lots of nuclear fallout
With odor itself there`s nothing I can`t melt
For miles around the vibrations are felt
This is dangerous stuff it`s not a bluff it`s been proven
Indeed I think I need to make my bowels keep moving