The Professor`s Song — текст песни (Tom Lehrer)

To "If You Give Me Your Attention."
If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
I`m a brilliant math`matician - also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact I`ve one of each;
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it`s true,
And I can`t see why it isn`t all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that I`m hard to understand,
And I can`t think why.

My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for its legibility.
Take a word like "minimum" (to choose a random word),
This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote:
////////////////
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
And I can`t think why.

Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
It`s inversely proportional to something - let me see -
It`s r^3 - no, r^2 - no, it`s just r, I`ll bet -
The sign in front is plus - or is it minus, I forget -
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
Yet students tell me, "I have memorized the whole year through
Ev`rything you`ve told us, but the problems I can`t do."
And I can`t think why!