If Shania Was Mine (Parody Any Man Of Mi — текст песни (Cledus T. Judd)

(Chris Clark/Cledus T. Judd/Robert Lange/Shania Twain)

If Shania was mine, wouldn`t be proud of me,
Couldn`t hardly blame her `cos I`m so durned ugly.
But on our first date, we could have a good time,
If I got her on the moonshine.

If Shania was mine, say it fit just right,
Though the polyester suit was just a little too tight.
And there`s no way I`d have a bad hair day,
`Cos I`d buy a new toupee.
Oh. I`d love to seduce her,
But she married her producer.
Now all I do is pray, pray, pray,
She`ll get a gay boy some day.

If Shania was mine, I`d prob`ly lose my mind,
If she only squeezed me, teased me, pleased me one little time.
And if she only knew, all the things I`d do.
I`d be the lawn mowing, crop-growing,
`Tato peeling, house cleaning kind.
If Shania was mine.

Well, If Shania was mine, she`d have to agree,
Can`t no-one cook brocceel better than me.
And a dozen mountain oysters and some old fatback,
She`s says: Mmmmm. I like it like that!
Now all I do is wonder,
Whose bed her boots have been under.
I wish it had`ve been mine, now, whine, whine,
That girl`s so doggone fine.

If Shania was mine, I think I`d go slap blind,
Starin` at her yummy little tummy and her booty shakin` round behind.
And if she only knew, all the things I`d do.
I`d be the lawn mowing, crop-growing,
`Tato peeling, house cleaning kind.

If Shania.
If Shania.
If Shania.

Now was that mud lime, or deep white, yokel?
When she shimmies, and shakes, it`s more than I can take.
Oh, what she does to me in them videos,.
Wife`s gonna leave me if I don`t explain, what I see in Shania Twain.
I`d love to see her in a magzine, centrefold if you know what I mean.
Oh, me a`, oh, my a`, I was Shania would buy me a house in South Carolina.
Two, four, six, eight, nine, I wish that Shania was mine.