(parody of Chim Chim Cheree by Dick Van Dyke,
from the movie Mary Poppins)
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim-chim-cheree;
Those are three words that don`t make sense to me.
But I`m used to words that don`t make sense to me,
From all those commercials I see on TV.
When I see an ad that can`t be understood
I know that the product has got to be good;
Those words may be crazy, but I think they`re great,
Like sodium acetylsalicylate.
(Sodium acetylsalicylate!)
I wake up each morning a most happy man,
I cover my Pic-O-Pay with Fluoristan;
I add Hexachlorophene, `cause it`s so pure,
And then GL-70, just to make sure.
Then I take a shower, but never alone;
I`m in there with Dermasil and Silicone.
I brush Vitrol-D on my Lanolin wave,
And I sharpen my Boo-boop, and use it to shave!
(He sharpens his Boo-boop, and that`s how he shaves!)
There`s Tufsyn, and Retsyn, and Acrylan too,
And Marfac and Melmac and what else is new?
There`s Orlon and Korlan, and there`s Accutron,
And Teflon, and Ban-Lon, and so on and on.
These wonderful words spin around in my brain;
Each one is a mystery I cannot explain.
Like what does that Blue Magic whitener do --
Does it make blue things white, or make white things blue?
(His blue things are white, and his white things are blue!)
My Fastback has Wide-Track and Autronic Eye,
Which winks when a cute little Volvo goes by;
My tank full of Platformate starts with a roar,
But when I try to stop, it goes two miles more.
I measure my breathing with my Nasograph,
It`s nice, but oh my, how it hurts when I laugh.
My chair is upholstered in real Naugahyde;
When they killed that nauga, I sat down and cried.
(He moved to Chicaga when that nauga died!)
I`m giving a party next Saturday night
And here are the friends that I`m going to invite:
The giant who lives in my washing machine,
That other nice giant, who`s jolly and green.
The tiger who causes my gas tank to flood,
That handsome white knight who is stronger than crud;
The man with the eyepatch, who sells me my shirts
And that nut who flies into the front seat for Hertz!
(That daring young nut who goes flying for Hertz!)
I`ve lived all my life in this weird wonderland;
I keep buying things that I don`t understand,
`Cause they promise me miracles, magic, and hope,
But, somehow, it always turns out to be soap.
And they might as well be Chim-Chiminey Cheree!
(Those words all could be Chim-Chiminey Cheree!)
sallysally@usa.net
