1 of 4...
My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz
I was born in 1-9-7-6, at Biosfet hospital, located in Long Island, NY
I am 6 foot, for I weigh 2-0-0 pounds
I have brown hair and green eyes
I enjoy writing songs, painting, movies and diner food
I have two brothers, Chris and Graham
and two parents, Paul and Jameija
In august of 2-0-0-1 I went crazy..
This was originally not for public consumption
This was made for four people... four people that literally saved my life
They know who they are..
And ahhh I mean I could live to be a thousand years old and never re-pay them
I don`t think this song would pay for them
But hopefully by putting it out, push the bank a little further..
This ain`t a burner for the whips (no it isn`t)
This ain`t even Aesop Rock fly earthworm demeanor (no it isn`t)
My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz and I was born in Long Island, New York
Seventy Six, before Graham and after Chris... OK
In August of 2001 my seemingly splinter-proof brain bone, scaffling imploded
I kept it on the hush, but nearly tumbling
to the cold hard concrete on near bodega trips
for ciggaretes and soda, shook me to kasper
Dizzy with a nothern chaser, motor sensory eraser
Gorophobe tunnel vision, guilt, self loathing arrangements
Rose rapidly outta fog I`d never fished in
that abates three separate foreign men`s
While I seems to hook lines and syncro simple fishing
Simple primitive self taught, easing of soul, mind and body
but the symptoms rejected my cave-man modus operandi
So now it`s one fish belly up, through medicated mol edge
Shrinks that get 250 an hour for awkward silence
And, I`d be lying if I said all of this
made even the slightest fragment of sense to me
That`s frail... Simply put
I don`t know what happened, or what`s stillhappening
I literally feel like I`m teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity
JAMIE, I killed the robots and I`m sorry
Broke down in front of you, embarrassed
but you lent a heart and hand that only you could
you`re one of my best friends and yes I`d take that bullet for you
That`s my word, which is about all I have left
TONY, I know you know you crazy, `cause you told me
but that did never bother you, I hold you as my brother `til death
And I got your back if ever the drunk goblin step
for makin` a cat laugh, when I was walking with the dead
KATHERINE, mother figure, older sister, concerned be a limits
Letting me know I wasn`t the only one with this
Continuous offers for vacation, Chicago visits
Talked me to repair of a head full of broken pistons
RIYAH, for the late night movie rentals and the company I needed
An` you knew it, but I just wouldn`t admit it
You listened to me brag about my issues for hours
Offer incredible advice, gave me a hug when I was finished
Am I a jack of all trades? Nope... I like to write songs tho`
Are they good? I dunno..
But I could tell you that I only write shit down when I believe it
So take this how you want, but know I mean it
I want you all to know that I`m scared
Now my fuckin` crooked soul never faced a monster like the last few months
Never in my whole life... I wish I could explain this better (I can`t)
But the pieces won`t formulate it to anything even close to cohesive
So I guess this is my feeble way to thank you
Four soldiers that extended something sacred off the purity of kindness
I owe you all my life and please don`t argue with that statement
`Cause without y`all I may not have a life to offer, take it
Thank you
I wish I could explain this better. (Thank you)
I`m sorry for burdening your pleasures. (Thank you)
I love you all with all that`s left of me. (Thank you)
For helping try to kill what made a mess of me. (Thank you)
Somehow, someway. (Thank you)
I`ma get you back someday. (Thank you)
Just gotta figure this all out... So..
I guess it is kind of funny when you look headed from a step back
How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures
Other men operate normally under
I have soaked this out from all angles, walking through time
I have been over everything in my head, still I can`t think anymore
But I guess some times, when you can`t breathe, there are people there
to breathe for you
I am lucky enough to have those people around me
Thank you for helping me to not die
Thank you for helping me to not die
Pocket full of pennies, and a soul gone tilt
Cockpit full of memories and a dream full of guilt
