Living With a Hernia — текст песни (Weird Al Yankovic)

Living With a Hernia
[Living in America/James Brown/1985]

All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain`t nothin` to discuss
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss

Living with a hernia
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation

Feel so old

Too much bad pain
Good gawd, drives me insane
Can`t run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall
Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can`t play tennis and it`s hard to bowl
You can`t even do the splits now...Better call it quits now
I`m sick of all this dancin` anyhow

Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation

I live with a hernia
Can`t get up, can`t bend over
Now I live with a hernia
Wait a minute...
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in
There`s incomplete
Epigastric
Bladder
Strangulated
Lumbar hernia
Richter`s hernia
Obstructed
Inguinal and Direct

Living with a hernia...Rupture!
I said it`s causin` me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia

I feel bad!