I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks — текст песни (Bloodhound Gang)

If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I`ll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I`m like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don`t dig
Chicks that don`t dig guys like me
See I`m not queer I`m too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo
phony
Maybe it`s a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause `super model` means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with
`super dumb`
Ya see I`d be a good listener so she`d treat me like a sister and soon
I`d become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn`t be a week before I`m in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don`t dig
Chicks that don`t dig guys like me
See I`m not queer I`m too ugly
Doesn`t matter what I`m packin` in my denim it`s what`s in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy
Dean
See I`m not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I`m not Princess Di and I don`t wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Anyway if I were gay I`d have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom`s hair stylist his name is Kip he`s got a lisp he
talks like this
And wear my mother`s lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don`t dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don`t dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don`t dig
Chicks that don`t dig guys like me
See I`m not queer I`m too ugly
And I don`t shave my heiny
Don`t shave my heiny
See I`m not queer I`m too ugly