(copyright Steven Cavanagh 1993-2002)
He like to think that he`s a Jedi
He dresses like Darth Maul
hyperspace lines on his window
He`s got no life at all
He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,
got the pictures on the wall
His friends and family pray that it`s just a fad
just a fad..
He like to think that he`s a Jedi
He dresses like Darth Maul
hyperspace lines on his window
He`s got no life at all
He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,
got the pictures on the wall
His friends and family pray that it`s just a fad
just a fad..
Dear George, I finally got to writing you a letter
Tellin you how bad I wanna chance to be an extra
Shooting in Australia`s much better, cause now I betcha
I can get a little part in it. I`m glad it`s coming together,
so come on down under, you flannelette jet setter.
so anyways, man, E`chuta, how`s it all going?
It seems like ages until your next movie`s showing
I`m practicing, too- guess what I`m doing?
I`m marching like a stormtrooper
I freeze-framed it all on my computer, and I`m a terrible shooter
I`ve been bumping my head on stuff too, I`m good at that.
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I`m your biggest fan
I can even watch the holiday special without running for the can
I hate Jar Jar though, what the hell was that all about, man?
Maybe to make us forget the Ewoks, too, that stuff was crap
Anyways, I hope you get this man, email back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
You`re the man
He like to think that he`s a Jedi
He dresses like Darth Maul
hyperspace lines on his window
He`s got no life at all
He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,
got the pictures on the wall
His friends and family pray that it`s just a fad
just a fad..
Dear George, You`ve finished all the shooting now, and you still ain`t picked me
What the hell`s wrong with you, man? I even live in Sydney!
It`s not like I also wanna be an action figure
or the main feature. I don`t even wanna go to Tunisia!
Just wanna be up the back somewhere walkin` past
or wearing an alien mask like those guys
who always faint, but I`d last.
That just sucks man, look, I`m even saying please
cause those people can`t even spell wookiee with two e`s
Who are these? Man, do they even speak Huttese?
I remember with episode one, the papers said he`s
angry about extras in England that ripped off stuff
I`m angry too, George, but I think you knew that.
With such a great privalege, how the hell could those guys do that?
I`d never do that to you, cause you know I respect you
but I can`t fight that war for you, or even protect you
from that kinda stuff. I try to tell others to have some integrity
or you`ll cut off the fans cause you`ll think that we`re the enemy.
I got an acting agent, had to pay a lot for the fees
but it`s gonna be worth it, this will be a dream come true for me
We all wish it was real, and it looks it the way you tell it
cause I was a kid and it changed my life back in 77
And nobody collects the stuff like I do George, no one does
My parents gave you lotsa money when I was growing up
You gotta call me man, I`m here for the reshoots
Sincerely yours, man. PS:
I got my own Jedi robe too
He like to think that he`s a Jedi
He dresses like Darth Maul
hyperspace lines on his window
He`s got no life at all
He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,
got the pictures on the wall
His friends and family pray that it`s just a fad
just a fad..
Dear mister don`t-send-applications-go-through-an-agent
I just read where you got most of your extras!
I blew a hundred and forty bucks for nothing - I don`t deserve it
But you hired all the other dirty mothers who wrote in,
that`s just perfect!
So this is my cassette I`m sending you, I hope you hear it
cause I went to see Fox studios and couldn`t get near it
Hey George, I got an idea for a new fan film
See this Sith and this Jedi fight with their lightsabers in a forest
and the Jedi wins. Wadday think, It`s a cool concept and I`m pretty sure
it won`t be a bore, cause nobody`s done stuff like that before
now. If you like that idea then I`ve got a web page with a lot more
but you`ll have to find it yourself cause this is my final call.
And all I wanted was a lousy quarter second on screen
just to get into that universe and put myself into the dream
I love those movies George, I wonder if you think about it
Cause you made it, have you felt the wonder and the dream about it
and your silence makes me think you`re being so MEAN about it
and when I email I get nothing on the SCREEN about it!
See George- (hysterical scream) HEY, SHUT UP! I`m tryin` to talk!
Hey George, that`s my girlfriend. She`s watching Howard the Duck
and she can`t reach the remote! See George, I really liked you
but now I`ve got no chance at all of being a part of Episode 2
Well, gotta go, I couldn`t find a REAL carbon freeze
So I had to fill up my bathtub with gallons of melted cheese!
(squelch) (burble burble)
(burble)
(blup)
He like to think that he`s a Jedi
He dresses like Darth Maul
hyperspace lines on his window
He`s got no life at all
He likes to sit and draw X-Wings all day,
got the pictures on the wall
His friends and family pray that it`s just a fad
just a fad..
Dear Sir or Madam: thank you for your interest
and the amateur productions that you constantly submit us
Unfortunately, our policy says we cannot accept
unsolicited submissions,
so they`re not reviewed or kept
We`re not sure what you mean when you say we dissed you
You seem to think your work is such that we can`t resist you
but your legal standing has a hole that Jabba could fit through,
so if you persist in this
we`ll have to cease and desist you
It`s not as though we need the fans to give us creative input
look at the Qui-Gon Jinn-ger snaps in the Darth Maul cookbook
and don`t suggest that we both could make some money
because we`ve seen your work and frankly, it isn`t all that funny.
We would, however, like you to have one of our web sites,
as long as you don`t read the fine print about who owns the copyrights.
We don`t need you, with your concepts, your costumes and your scripts,
artwork, fan fiction, comics and whatever this `filk` is
we don`t want to appear as a killjoy, please try and understand
there`s nothing we want to ban, we really do want you as a fan.
But to work our magic, we really need to be left alone
in the ivory tower to talk to the man on the throne
We`re now in post-production, and our time is totally committed
which is what YOU SHOULD BE, and GET YOURSELF A STRAIGHTJACKET FITTED!
So be reasonable now. Come on, think about it please.
We`re professionals- we don`t take fanboy cheese!
