I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night
I strolled on into Uncle Limpy`s Hump Palace lookin` for love. It had
been a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin` hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had
picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin` gallons through a pair of
Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and
baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Well, faster than you can say, shallow grave, this pretty little
thing come up to me and starts kneadin` my balls like hard-boiled
eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was Bambi and I sais, Well that`s
a coincidence darlin`, `cause I was just thinkin` about skinnin` you
like a deer. Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-
Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a
mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she told me to shush. I
guess she could sense my desperation. `course, it`s hard tohide a
hard-on when you`re dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
So, Bambi`s goin` on about how she can make all my fantasies come
true. So I says, Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is
jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as
Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log
with almonds on Santa Claus`s tummy-tum? Well, ten beers, twenty
minutes and thirty dollars later I`m parkin` the beef bus in tuna
town if you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on when
I found out she was doin` me to buy baby formula.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin
and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N` Guzzle Big Rig
Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin` through the latest issue of
Throb, when I saw Bambi starin` at me from the back of a milk
carton. Well, my heart jst dropped. So, I decided to do what any good
Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a
half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your
doin` seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing
children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`.
