Kermit (talking to off-stage person): That`s the sound of the letter P. See the sign right there? See those big P`s there. Piper`s Pickled Peppers. No that`s Piper`s Pickled Peppers. What`s that Charlie? Wipe off the microphone?
( he rubs mike on trench coat and looks into camera)
Oh, oh, hi ho there! This is Kermit the Frog and I`m speaking to you from the pickled pepper patch of Peter Piper who`s famous for picking a peck of pickled peppers. As a matter of fact here comes Peter Piper now. Excuse me, pardon me sir, but are you indeed Peter Piper?
( dumping bushel, here on known as a peck, of peppers at Kermit`s flippers)
Porter: Nope. Nope, I`m his brother Porter Piper.
Kermit: Ah, ah, Porter Piper, ah, ah, I see, but you have also picked a peck of pickled peppers?
Porter: Well all we Piper`s pick pickled peppers. We`re pepper pickers.
Kermit: I see. Uh huh.
Porter: Pete gets the publicity.
Kermit: Oh.
Porter: Excuse me I gotta go pick a peck.
Kermit: Oh okay, alright.
Porter: Pardon.
Kermit: Yeah, okay, so ah, so that was Porter Piper. But...ah...oh, oh, Peter Piper I presume?
( dumps peck of peppers) Sorry pal I`m Potter Piper his other brother.
Kermit: Oh I see. Porter Piper and Potter Piper but no Peter Piper. Let`s see um...what do you call this place we`re standing on sir?
Potter: Oh it`s where we put the pickled peppers after picking. Yeah it`s our pickled pepper pile. Excuse me I gotta go pick a peck.
Kermit: A pickled pepper pile? I see. Oh ah ah...pardon me sir or madam I suppose. I guess you`re not Peter Piper?
( dumps a peck of peppers ) Oh positively, I`m his sister, Piper Piper.
Kermit: Piper Piper?
Piper: Is there an echo here?
Kermit: Ah but ah listen after you pick these pickled peppers, what do you do with them?
Piper: Oh we pack them.
Kermit: I see. So sometimes you`re picking pickled peppers and sometimes you`re packing peppers. What do you pack them in Piper?
Piper: Paper.
Kermit: I should have guessed. Ah well, let`s see....ah....oh pardon me sir you, YOU must be Peter Piper?
( dumps a peck of peppers) Nope. Nope I`m his father Poppa Piper.
Kermit: Poppa Piper? Well you certainly have quite a family here.
Poppa: Oh yep, yep, yep. There`s Peter Piper and Porter Piper and Potter Piper and Piper Piper.
Kermit: And who`s this right here?
( dog has entered with pepper in his mouth which he deposits at Kermit`s flippers)
Poppa: That`s our dog, Pepper Popper. Ah....Pepper Piper, right.
Kermit: Pepper Piper, I thought that`s what you meant. And who`s this thing here?
Poppa: That`s our pig, Porker Piper. Yep and we got a parrot.
Kermit: A parrot?
Poppa: Yep a parrot, called Polly Piper.
Kermit: Polly Piper I should have known uh huh.
Poppa: She pecks pickled peppers.
Kermit: She pecks them oh ho! Very good uh huh, uh huh.
Poppa: Well gotta go pick a peck.
Kermit: ( indignant ) Right! This is ridiculous!
( more peppers are piled on poor Kermit)
Now wait a second, pardon me, are YOU Peter Piper or what? No, no, don`t tell me you`re his nephew?
Parker: No I`m his cousin, Parker Piper.
Kermit: Now wait a minute! I came here to meet Peter Piper! I`ve met Porter Piper, Potter Piper, Piper Piper, Poppa Piper, Pepper Piper, Porker Piper and Parker Pepper all picking peppers, now WHERE IS PETER PIPER???!!!!!
Parker: Oh he`s in Portland, pressing pants. ( dumps peck on Kermit )
Kermit: Oh phooey. Well from the pickled pepper pile at Piper`s Pickled Pepper Patch, this is Kermit the Frog returning you to the program in progress. Anybody got a letter Q?
( ends with Kermit covered in peppers with empty peck basket on head)
