Ernie: Hey Bert, it`s--
Bert: -Aak-Eek-Aak!--
Ernie: --time for our checker game. (Ernie looks apologetic.)
Bert: Oh Ernie, you scared me! I thought you weren`t here.
Ernie: Well maybe I`m not then.
Bert: What do you mean?
Ernie: You`re usually right about most things, Bert.
Bert: (modest) Welllllllll ...
Ernie: And if you think I`m not here ... then maybe I`m not!
Bert: Good! If you`re not here, Ernie, then I can go back to reading my book.
(Bert does go read for about two seconds, as Ernie starts to get worried.)
Ernie: But the question is ... If I`m not here ...
Bert: (to himself) Oh no ...
Ernie: (worried) ... then ... Where Am I?
Bert: It`s going to be one of those days.
(Ernie gets a pair of binoculars and looks out the window with them)
Bert: Ernie ... (irritated) Ernie, what are you doing?
Ernie: I`m looking for me, Bert! (pause) I thought I might be out taking a walk on Sesame Street, but I don`t see me anywhere. (pause) Then if I`m not out on Sesame Street ---- I must be Lost!!
Bert: I don`t believe this.
Ernie: I`m lost! (he`s really upset by now) Out there, all alone, wandering through some spooky forest, or down some lonesome road ... This is terrible! (starts to cry) I`ll never see me again!
Bert: Ernie!
Ernie: (sniff) I miss me!
Bert: Ernie, will you stop that! Now, I can prove to you that You Are Here. Now, get our hand mirror. (Ernie picks it up.) Now, what`s that?
Ernie: Oh, it`s a mirror.
Bert: No, no, I mean look inside!
Ernie: (looks in the mirror) I see ... me, Bert! That`s me in the mirror, Bert!
Bert: Right! And if you see yourself in the mirror , that means--
Ernie: That means I must be Here! Gee, thanks, Bert! (smiles at the reflection) I missed me! (Ernie then goes back to Bert, tapping him on the shoulder as before) Hey Bert. it`s time--
Bert: Aak-Eek-Aak!
Ernie: ... for our checker game! I`m here!
Bert: (angry) Ernie, we can not play checkers!
Ernie: Why not, Bert? I`m here!
Bert: (angry) That`s right, you`re here, Ernie! BUT I`M NOT! (marches out and slams door, leaving Ernie rather surprised.)
