I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I
strolled on into Uncle Limpy`s Hump Palace lookin` for love. It had been a
while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that
midnight run haulin` hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this
hitchhiker that was sweatin` gallons through a pair of Daisy
Duke cut-offs and
one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to
ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well, faster than you can say, shallow grave, this pretty little
thing come
up to me and starts kneadin` my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, Well that`s a coincidence
darlin`, `cause
I was just thinkin` about skinnin` you like a deer. Well she smiled, had
about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell
her how I would
wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she
told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. `Course,
it`s hard to
hide a hard-on when you`re dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
So, Bambi`s goin` on about how she can make all my fantasies
come true. So I
says, Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering
Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks
gives birth
to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on
Santa Claus`s tummy-tum? Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and
thirty dollars
later I`m parkin` the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got
to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to
admit it was even
more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin` me to buy baby
formula.
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny
a spin and slid
on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N` Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin` through the latest issue of Throb, when I saw Bambi
starin` at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how
difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the
one-eyed gopher when your doin` seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never
thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
