(Shel Silverstein)
I was sittin` in Friday`s suckin` on a glass of wine
When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind
Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
On a scale of one to ten, I`d give her a nine.
Now on my scale there ain`t no ten`s, you know
Nine is about as far as any chick can go
So I flashed her a smile, but she didn`t even look at me
So for brains and good judgement, I`d give her a three.
I said, Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible eight
You and me could, uh! make eighteen, if your head`s on straight.
She looked up and down my perfect frame
And said these words that burned into my perfect brain.
She said, well, another one of those macho-matician men
Kind who grade all women on scales of one to ten
And, you give me an eight, well, that`s a generous thing to do
Now, let`s just see, just how much I give you.
She said you comin` on to me with that phony numbers jive
Your style makes me smile, I give it a five
When you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores)
It`s last year`s double-knit frayed-cuffs, give it a four.
That must be your car parked out on the curb
That sixty-nine homemade convertible, a three and a third
Now, as for your build, I guess (yore) less than five
Except, for your pot belly, I`d give that a ten for size.
That wine you`re pourin` might be fine to you
But I`m used to fine champagne, I give it a two
It`s hard to tell what your flashin` smile is worth
I give it a six, you could use some dental work.
But, It`s your struttin` rooster act that really makes me laugh
It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me a three and a half
And there really ain`t much to add once the subtractin`s done
Since there ain`t no zeroes, I give you a one!.
She walked out, while up and down the line
The whole bar was laughin`, said` Bare, what happened to your nine
Nine says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew
She didn`t have no class, I barely gave her a two.
Spoken:
Yeah! No matter how good they look at first
There`s flaws in all of them
That`s why on a scale of ten to one, friend
There ain`t no ten.
