These are the tales, the freaky tales...
The tales that I tell so well...
I met this girl, her name was Joan
She loved the way I rocked the microphone
When I met Joan, I took her home
She was just like a doggy all on my bone
I met another girl, her name was Ann
All she wanted was to freak with a man
When I met Ann, I soked her pans
We ended up freakin` by garbage can
The next young freak I met was Red
I took her to the house and she gave me head
She likes to freak was all she said
We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed
There`s another girl, her name is Mary
Talked about sex and the girl acted scary
I heard she was freakin` for my homeboy Jerry
Took her to the house and I popped that cherry
Young and tender, sweet Denise
Get her in the bed and the girl`s a beast
I tell you, homeboy, If you get a piece
She only talks about signin` a lease
I met this tender, her name was Lori
And a X-rated movie wouldn`t tell her story
She had a twinsister, her name was Lisa
And just like Lori, she`s a real dick pleaser
My girlfriend`s name was Michelle, I freaked her well
Her pussy got hotter than flames in hell
I geed this girl, her name was Tammy
I didn`t wanna do it cause the bitch was flammy
She had a best friend, her name was Jane
I pulled to the side and I spitted that game
I met a lot of freaks in my lifespine
Freaked one night with a girl named Pam
The very next day I saw her with her man
One week passed and I was in her again
I had an old tender, her name was Janie
She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen
She likes to freak, she`s just a fiend
It really didn`t matter when I saw her in jeans
I wanna big freak, fat and slobby
I kick on back and I watch her mouth
Two tons of fun, big mama jama
A country-girl from Alabama
I met this girl, her name was Betty
Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death
I was tired as hell, I was drippin` sweat
But I was all up in her tryin` to hold my breath
Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas
She said her name was Donna
She was a pitty little freak from China
I said I don`t pimp or gigolo
I`m havin` so much money that I don`t need a hoe
You can break yourself but you can`t break me
You never met a player like $hort, baby
I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo
Took her to my home and we did it on the floor
The girl got freaky and I tell you more:
She was down on her knees beggin` to blow
She`s like another freak named Ren`
You get her alone and she`ll make your day
Like Burger King, she knows the play
But a freak like Ren`, you can have it your way...
These are the tales, the freaky tales...
These are the tales that I tell so well...
I met this girl, thick as hell
Only sixteen, said her name was Linell
I took her to my house, I could not wait
Her shit was much tighter than Central Safe
Let me tell you this since we talkin` young
I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne
Always talkin` about havin` fun
Once again in the bed I got it goin` on
I`m Sir Too $hort, couldn`t be no punk
I try to get funky like female funk
So when you see me comin` or see me goin`
I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin`
I once met a tender, she did it for free
On the Foothill bust number forty-three
All the way on the back she was workin` me
Had my big beatbox and I was jammin` the beat
I met this freak named aunt Winell
Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet
Everythin` she had is what I get
Cause I`m Too $hort, baby, I don`t play that shit
I met another freak, her name was Rita
Baby thought that $hort just might eat her
I told her like this, she can suck my peter
Or even go home cause I knew I didn`t need her
Scratched her name off my telephone book
Never again I took a second look
Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon
She kept lookin`, well, I kept stairin`
Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin`
She never left, she cutted out
I know you all know what I`m talkin` about
There`s a freak named Shane, such a sinner
She smokes that pipe and she`s gettin` thinner
Shane is cool but her mind is gone
One fat rock and it`s goin` on
She had another buddy, came by my place
Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace
She walked in the door wearin` a lace
You shoulda seen that look that was on my face
She`s like this tender named Belinda
Homeboys call her Belinda the Blender
She gave head like she made it up
She was twenty years old with a big round butt
Had a girl slick like olive oil
Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled
When she got mad he blood would boil
But I rapped her off like I`m lookin` a toy...
These are the tales, the freaky tales...
The tales that I tell so well...
Shockedy life, Friday night, it`s goin` on Too $hort
Three weeks ago I met this freak
She followed me around like Mary`s sheep
I hitted around the corner and when she came
I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name
She said it was Nina and her man`s in Santa Rita
I took her to my home and homeboy, I geed her
Set her on the way the very next way
Playboy $hort was ready to play
I bumped to this girl, her name was Roseanne
We hitted the motel and got it goin` on
Holiday Inn to the break of dawn
When I took baby home, I freaked her mom
I knew this tender named Shanie
I took her to the house and let her freak on me
Baby was a fan, she loved my beat
But I wouldn`t raise my leg to let her kiss my feet
I met this freak named Yolanda
Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda
I was on top and she was up under
The bed hitted the wall and it sounded like thunder
I once had a datewith girl named Kitty
She was so fine with big fat tiddies
All night long she was actin` shitty
So i macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti
There`s another girl, her name is Rose
I use to roll baby like brand new Volvos
I never saw Rose wearin` clothes
She`s a pimp house pet, ready to pose
I was ridin` down the street when I met Janet
Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet
Ass everywhere, I just can`t stand it
Tried to poem it but I could not manage
I had this freak, her name was Bunny
Said I was the only man who ever called her honey
Everythin` I did to her was funny
I macked on bunny and I took her money
Eight tonight a date with Shirlie
She was really short and her hair was curly
If you saw baby you liked this girlie
She was so fine I went to get her early
Shirlie was freakin` like a girl named Rachel
Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal
She liked to kiss all on my neval
Those are her lips on top of my label
I knew another freak, her name was Candy
Real big lips and they came in handy
I smooth got worked and it was so dandy
I hooked the brood up with my homeboy Randy
He did me a favor in return
Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne
Baby got tossed and I got it on
I grabbed the mic and started to sing my song
My young homeboy heard me rap
And said he had way more freaks than that
So I told him like this: they might be freakin`
But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment...
