Bizarre Christmas Incident — текст песни (ben folds five)

(Ho, ho, ho...Play it Grandpa...Yeah, play it...Let`s tell them a little story
about what happened this Christmas.... Yeah, tell them... tell `em `bout
Christmas)

Christmas Eve, I didn`t get much sleep
I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney
Who could it be?

(I`ll tell you what it was... What happened then, Ben?... Yeah, what
happened?... Well, I went back to sleep... You went back to sleep? Back to
sleep? Shit... Tired man, went back to sleep)

And in the morning, I couldn`t believe my eyes
A whale of a corpe with a long white beard
Was dangling over the fire

oh, Santa he`s a big fat fuck
Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck
Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast
`Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my ass
hey, hey, hey

(Ok grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell `em what you saw,
tell `em what you saw grandpa)

I gotta tell you folks,
He wasn`t wearin no clothes
He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil
from his back down to his toes
While I was talking to the cops outside
The dog was lickin Crisco off of his thighs
They hauled him away in a double-wide
What a sad, sad way to die
Hey, hey, hey

Santa, he`s a big, fat fuck
went down the chimney, got his fat ass
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass