Tortured Man — текст песни (Stern Howard)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I will now bring you one of the greatest vertuosos of
our time
A radio star, I hate my TV
My life is on film, yet it sucks being me
(Shut up, sit down)
My life`s a wreck, I`m bored with sex
I`ve go a big nose and a skinny neck
I can`t sing, I can`t dance
I make money to talk about the junk in my under pants
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
I can`t beleive I am who I am
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
I can`t beleive I am who I am
(I told you not to be stupid you moron)
(Shut up, sit down)
(Oh, oh, oh)
(Bababooey)
(Oh, that`s good)
(He, he, he, he, he)
When Terri Hatcher was on my show
She came onto me, I was tempted to go
Heather Locklear, she thinks I`m great
I would bet my life I could get her on the first date
Courtney Love, Madonna, and Sharon Stone
I could get them all together and make each one moan
Tammy, Raquel, Carmen, Jenny Macarthy, Demi, I mean Demi
(He, he, he, he, he)
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
I can`t beleive I am who I am
I like my farts, I`m immature
They say I`m great, but I`m not sure
My whole life sucks, each minute blows
This gangely body, this monsterous nose
This droopy ass, this tiny shween
No wonder I get on the air and act so mean
I wish my life were much more simple
I`ve got a wookie the size of a pimple
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
I can`t beleive I am who I am
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
I can`t beleive I am who I am
I`m a tortured man
(I think so)
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
I`m a tortured man
(Shut up, sit down)
I`m a tortured man
(I told you not to be stupid you moron)
(I`m just thinking for a minute, should I trade half my money
for ten times as much sex?)
(It`s an equation from hell)
(Oh, that`s good)
(It`s an equation from hell)
(Oh)
(It`s an equation from hell)
(Oh, that`s good)
(It`s an equation from hell)
(Oh)