The President`s Penis is Missing — текст песни (Drive-By Truckers)

(NEWS FLASH!!!)

(scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson
begins to speak:)

“They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the President`s penis?”

“It ain`t in the Congress or Judiciary
It ain`t in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the President`s penis?”

(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
“THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS IS MISSING OLE`!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
LORD, WON`T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS?”

(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to
add his commentary:)
“Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
in the 80`s we elected one missing his brain
George Washington caught a cold he couldn`t explain
and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson`s name”

(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an
Orson Welles type voice:)
“Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn`t no square
with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn`t care
and John Kennedy`s penis was seen everywhere”

(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
“THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS IS MISSING OLE`!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
LORD WON`T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT`S PENIS?”

(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
“Them outer space people would laugh if they`d seen us
all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
but we`re more concerned with the President`s penis”

THE END?
lyrics by Patterson Hood