Verse 1:
My brain makes the earth dark but I`m hung like a birthmark
I like to suck toes yours secrete fructose
I make paintings based on grids just like Chuck Close
I`m old school like Aztecs but new in other aspects
If you want sex with me be prepared for bad sex and slapstick
Even Chapstick won`t help my chapped dick
When I`m with a naked chick I use a faker dick
A turkey baster laced with Elmer`s to make it stick
My ex fled to Reykjavik, we really were trying
Ohhh your so wet, My pussy`s crying
I need an eye exam and a vagina with no diaphragm
Or condom, I`m pond scum, I`m going to buy a lamb
And when we make love I`ll picture titty humping
which looks like a Venn Diagram
Ewww, this isn`t dope I feel like I`m pissing Scope
Lamby`s a misanthrope
I asked her to stop moving, does she listen? Nope
The sheep was a clone so I was a creep on the phone
Now I`m sleeping alone
With her photo on my nightstand in a sepia tone
Oh yeah and you know that...
Paul Bar-Bar-Barman
Chorus:
The joy of your world is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Yes the joy of your wwoorrlldd is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Verse 2:
After this rap I`ll be in Napoli, happily
Proposing to my chosen under an apple tree
Let`s get married, I don`t walk, I get carried
By a motorcade of voter-age women on rollerblades
In cute sleeveless shirts exposing their shoulder blades
But I`m a lonely guy since my honeypie ran off with Ione Skye
Now I`ve got nothing whatsoever, ugly-broke-arrogant, but so clever
When I write rhymes on brown bags and in shower steam
Me and Paul are the power team
We`ll leave you deflowered with a mouth full of sour cream
Gobble this obelisk
Paul Bar-Bar-Barman
Chorus:
The joy of your world is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Yes the joy of your wwoorrlldd is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Verse 3:
My close pals, aunts, uncles, leaders, Nations, and towns
Hamlets and neighboring islands, everyone
Landlords, bosses, and relatives, moms and newborns
Somehow when I act thirteen, I`m a virgin girl`s tractor beam
This one was dressed to kill from her head to my testicle
She was from west of Phil-ly and spoke well of it
She said, Just for the hell of it let`s not be celibate.
I got all higgledy piggledy, it`s a big relief
When I take off my fig uh leaf
She said that, Let`s get at this but her cat and an unpotted cactus
Sat on her mattress
that sure made it saturated with sharp thorns and cat piss
I put on a hiphop beat while she whipped off the topsheet
She said, Come to bed I like my undergrads underfed
They amaze how they stay up days on mayonnaise and Wonderbread.
I dove in her cervix a lot like Sir Mixalot
This interlude is for the women I`ve interviewed about the clitoris
and how to make it less hit-or-miss
Should we be gentle?, Is it all mental?
I won`t use a dental dam `cause it discurges
my urges to submerge in her jizz
She said, My goodness you should juss use clues that`s nonverbal
You`re too vigorous if my clitoris, for example, turns purple
It was time to copulate but we didn`t want to populate
So my bold groin reached for my gold coin proooophylactic
I unwrapped it, you can`t know how I felt
It wasn`t a gold coin condom, it was chocolate Chanukah gelt
The white part crumbled on her tummy and the rest began to melt
Foiled again.....
It`s a classic piece, It`s a classic piece,
It`s a classic piece
We`d like to thank George for that and also Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman,
Bar-Barman Barman-Barman-Barman, and also Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman,
Bar-Bar-Barman, Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman, From Chapel Hill
who made the contribution of 5 dollars
Thanks Charles, I mean pardon me Paul,
Charles took the pledge, No Doubt
