SPOKEN:
[C] I was takin` a trip out to L.A.
[F] Toolin` along in my Chevrolet
[G7] Tokin` on a number and diggin` on the radi-[C] o ...
[C] Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
[F] I heard that highway start to whine
[G7] And I knew that left rear tire was about to [C] go.
Well, the spare was flat and I got uptight
`Cause there wasn`t a fillin` station in sight
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim
I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar
Kind of redneck lookin` joint, called the Dew Drop Inn.
Well, I stuffed my hair up under my hat
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one
There was one thing I was sure proud to see
There wasn`t a soul in the place, `cept for him and me
And he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone.
I called up the station down the road a ways
And he said he wasn`t very busy today
And he could have somebody there in just `bout ten minutes or so
He said now you just stay right where you`re at
And I didn`t bother tellin` the durn fool
I sure as hell didn`t have anyplace else to go.
I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in and said; Who owns this car?
With the peace sign, the mag wheels and four on the floor?
Well, he looked at me and I damn near died
And I decided that I`d just wait outside
So I layed a dollar on the bar and headed for the door.
Just when I thought I`d get outta there with my skin
These five big dudes come strollin` in
With this one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth
And I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said; You tip your hat to this lady, son.
And when I did all that hair fell out from underneath.
Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight
In Jackson, Mississippi on a Saturday night
`Specially when there was three of them and only one of me
They all started laughin` and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I`d better think of somethin` pretty quick
So I just reached out and kicked old green-teeth right in the knee.
He let out a yell that`d curl your hair
But before he could move, I grabbed me a chair
And said; Watch him folks, `cause he`s a thouroughly dangerous man.
Well, you may not know it, but this man`s a spy
He`s an undercover agent for the FBI
And he`s been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan.
He was still bent over, holdin` on to his knee
But everyone else was lookin` and listenin` to me
And I layed it on thicker and heavier as I went
I said; Would you beleive this man has gone as far
As tearin` Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars
And he voted for George McGovern for president.
He`s a friend of them long-haired, hippie type, pinko fags
I betcha he`s even got a Commie flag
Tacked up on the wall, inside of his garage
He`s a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys
He may look dumb, but that`s just a disguise
He`s a mastermind in the ways of espionage.
They all started lookin` real suspicious at him
And he jumped up an` said; Now, just wait a minute, Jim
You know he`s lyin` I`ve been livin` here all of my life.
I`m a faithfull follower of Brother John Birch
And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church
And I ain`t even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife.
Then he started sayin` somethin` `bout the way I was dressed
But I didn`t wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy movin` and hopin` I didn`t run outta luck
And when I hit the ground, I was makin` tracks
And they were just takin` my car down off the jacks
So I threw the man a twenty an` jumped in an` fired that mother up.
Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud
Of the way I was movin` when I passed that crowd
Comin` out the door and headin` toward me in a trot
And I guess I should-a gone ahead and run
But somehow I couldn`t resist the fun
Of chasin` them all just once around the parkin` lot.
Well, they`re headin` for their car, but I hit the gas
And spun around and headed them off at the pass
I was slingin` gravel and puttin` a ton of dust in the air
Ha Ha, well, I had `em all out there steppin` and fetchin`
Like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin`
But I figured I oughta go ahead an split before the cops got there.
When I hit the road I was really wheelin`
Had gravel flyin` and rubber squeelin`
And I didn`t slow down `til I was almost to Arkansas
Well, I think I`m gonna re-route my trip
I wonder if anybody`d think I`d flipped
If I went to L.A. - via Omaha.
