+You Need An Analyst
If you`re always stealing goodies from a big department store,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
If your pocket`s full of little things you never owned before,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
If somebody says Good morning, and politely tips his hat,
And you frown and say, I wonder what he really meant by that,
If you`re walking down the sidewalk and you won`t step on a crack,
You`re afraid if you step on a crack, you`ll break your mother`s back,
If you`re at the Philharmonic and you start to do the twist,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
(You need an analyst, you need an analyst,
We really must insist that you see an analyst.)
If you`re freezing or you`re sweating from imaginary ills,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
If it takes an IBM machine to classify your pills,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
If you tiptoe into bed and you`re as quiet as a mouse,
But the bed you tiptoe into is in someone else`s house,
If you have a brand new raincoat, and of it you`re very fond,
In fact, you`d rather be alone with it than with a blonde,
If you wear your wristwatch on your feet and stockings on your wrist,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
(You need an analyst, you need an analyst,
We really must insist that you see an analyst.)
If you`re always tearing paper into teeny weeny bits,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
If you`ve got a secret closet full of pomegranate pits,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
If they ask you what your name is and you answer Bonaparte,
If you dig those daffy doodles that are known as modern art,
If you`re walking down the street and then you stop to tie your shoes,
And you tie them to each other as you hum Saint Louis Blues,
Or if you`re forty-six years old and never have been kissed,
Go kiss an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
(Go kiss an analyst, go kiss an analyst,
We really must insist that you kiss an analyst.)
If you`re always having arguments when no one else is there,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
And whenever you are angry, if you kick your teddy bear,
You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.
If you dream you`ve got a purple dragon next to you in bed,
And you wake up and your dragon isn`t purple, it is red,
If you eat those little prizes, and you save the Crackerjacks,
If you really think they`re ever gonna cut the income tax,
You need an analyst,
(You need) I need (he needs) we need
Everybody needs an analyst.
