(Heaton/Rotheray)
Well sitting in a bar alone
where no-one knows your name
is like laying in a graveyard
wide awake
You`re scared that if you cough or yawn
you might wake up the dead
So pretend to read a paper
or just drink instead
I`m a stand-up comedian
but I`d sit down if I could
The world just seems
to want folk like me to stand
And the punch-lines seem to disappear
like clouds across the sky
And the laughter could be real
or could be canned
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar`s Bar
Well living with a lying man
could never really hurt
But living with a drunk
well no-one deserves
And you`re looking for your husband
you`re not sure he`s still alive
Don`t bother with the cemetery
he`ll be down at liar`s dive
I`m a travelling businessman
I just stopped in for one drink
You`ll find
that I`m not like the other men
Their noses are red
whilst mine is only pink
And they didn`t choose their drink
their drink chose them
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar`s Bar
And the grave-digger`s smiling
at his reflection in his spade
He`s visiting the seediest
the shallowest of graves
The vocal chords of elephants
and the characters of mice
They`re singing "whisky, whisky"
so good they named it twice
Well don`t pass buildings with lights on
if I said that I did I`d have lied
`Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant
may have Chinese New Year inside
And son all my life I`ve been searching
the bars I`ve been in I forget
The lights outside ever brighter
but a light on the inside not yet
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar`s Bar
And he`s a world-wide traveller
he`s not like me or you
But he comes in mighty regular
for one who`s passing through
That one came in his work clothes
he`s missed his last bus home
He`s missed a hell of a lot of buses
for a man who wants to roam
If I look rough I am rough
If I look sad I am
If I look broke I am broke
Just a broke down piece of man
I`ve turned over enough leaves
to fill an autumn
and if I had one final wish
I`d be your slave for a decade
if you could take me away from this
If you took me away from this
I`d be different you`d see
`Cause I didn`t choose the drink
a drink just chose me
Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar`s Bar
Well I`m smoking like a chimney
And I`m drinking like a fish
At Liar`s Bar
