(Larry Johnson/Craig Martin/Cledus T. Judd)
Arnie`s Daddy said he`d take him fishin`,
If he`d just dig the bait.
He said: "Get lost, Dad, I`m watchin` mud wrestling,
"Go jump in the lake.
"Why don`t you take that neighbour girl?
"The one that favours our dog."
His dad said: "Son, she might sink the boat,
"She weighs more than our hog."
And Arnie said:
"She`s got a tackle box that you`d kill for,
"A ZebCo rod and reel.
"She won the Junior Bass Masters Tourney,
"And I just ate oatmeal,
"And I`m afraid I might hurl.
"Daddy, please, please take the girl."
Same limey boy, same large girl,
Eleven years with no date.
They finally married when they both realised,
They`d get a big tax break.
One night at the Laundrymat,
Washin` underwear.
A stranger pulled a water-gun;
Arnie soiled another pair, (Whoops.)
And whimpered:
Ain`t got no money, in my wallet.
She`s got the credit cards.
But they`re all run up over the limit,
Won`t get you very far.
And though her hair`s up in curls, and she looks like Milton Burle,
She ain`t wearin` fake pearls,
Mister please, please, please take the girl.
Well she ain`t bad when she gets a couple of coats of that cold
cream on her, and a sack over her head.
A toothless Arnie, a whale of a woman,
Forty years down the tune.
One day they found him with a shotgun,
Buck-naked on the roof.
Doctor`s said: "He`s lost his mind,
"We`ll have to take him away." (No o o o!)
As they strapped that straight jacket on him,
Someone heard him say -- he babled out loud:
If you`d lived with her, long as I have,
You`d be slap crazy too.
She`s the one that`s really a psycho,
More than a few screws loose.
She`s nutty as a squirrel;
Doctor, please, please take the girl.
Get her outta here!
Arnie`s Daddy said he`d take him fishin`,
If he`d just dig the bait.
Is it Tim McGraw or John Anderson,
I`m trying to imitate?
I`m sorry Tim!
